Whirlpool of Life

The whirlpool of life can be a vicious cycle. If you don't swim hard enough you won't get out and you will be sucked down the middle into the abyss. I wanted to begin a new chapter in my life and I am finding out that it is very very hard to change. I can tell you that I failed tragically the first week. I lasted exactly one day. I told myself that I had to wait until payday so I could get the proper ingredients to do this thing right. Payday came and went and I never made it to the store. I got real busy with my life instead. I looked for any and all opportunities to do something else other than going to the store.
For some of us this vicious and unforgiving cycle is all about weight loss, but I find that it also translates into how I work my business. I start out strong and then one thing happens that side tracks me and I say, "I'll get back on track tomorrow. I just don't have time today". Dugh, there is no such thing as tomorrow. By the time it's tomorrow it's already today. The whirlpool of life is also called a catch - 22. Now ask yourself what is the definition of a catch - 22.

Yep, that's what they say. And then they say that if you keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results you are insane. Well I guess those of us that don't give up and expect that change are insane then. Or are we just refusing to let go of God's hand, and we keep getting back up and trying again and again.

If we never give up, and each day is a chance at a new beginning, than I would say I am not insane, I just have a tendency to do what Peter did when Jesus asked him to have faith and get out of the boat. He took Jesus hand but he let go, he lost his faith. When things don't go right in my life I want to give up and retreat into my cave. Then the regrets and self loathing comes in. I swear I am my own worst enemy.

I started with the decision that I needed to lose some weight because since I had my back surgery I have become very lethargic. I don't do anything but go to work, come home and either read a book on my tablet, watch tv, play games on my tablet, or work on the computer, and even as easy as that is I don't always do it. It's easy, I just sit here, type what comes to my mind and publish. Type and click a mouse. lol easy right. Then why is it so hard for me to get up and do it. Why is it so hard to stay on a program that is to assist me in losing the weight that I have gained over the years, and furthermore, why is it so hard for me to work my business, and take the steps I need to take to be successful. I think I am afraid of success.
Simple answer: I lose faith, I self-sabotage, I always say I'll do it later, procrastination is my best friend, one that I really wish to lose as a friend. I hate my mind and what it does to me and I will be deep in prayer to change it. There are answers I just need to look for them.

Choose to be happy,
Laura