I can honestly say, that was me on Friday. Let me begin at the, well, beginning.
It all began on Thursday night. I came home from work and attended a couple of parties I had going on online. One I was hosting for a dear friend and the other she was hosting for me, She's Thirty-one and I am The Pampered Chef. Having parties online is great! I finally found a way to be in two places at one time. Anyway, just as I was finishing up the parties my lower legs, mostly my feet, started to cramp. Real bad. Feet going in one direction and toes in awkward directions. All very painful, nonetheless. I tried to eat a banana and drink water and take some Ibuprofen, but that didn't work. Finally I asked my husband if he had anything that I could use and he offered me one of his muscle relaxers. Nurses and Doctors reading this don't go crazy. I know that I shouldn't do that, but I was desperate. Well it worked and the muscles in my legs calmed down and I was able to sleep. Yey me!
Okay, let's move to the next morning.
It is very hard for me to get up in the morning. My alarms start at 4am and go off until I get up at about 5:30am. I told you it's hard for me to get up. lol Anyway, I kept turning off my alarms and when the last one went off I didn't get up. I was so tired. Because I took the medication and didn't go to bed until after 10pm, I didn't want to wake up so I didn't want to get up. I cracked my eye open and about jumped out of bed as the clock read 5:55 and I really needed to be out of the house by 6am. Funny right? I still needed to make my breakfast, as I had been doing very well on my diet, no lifestyle change, and I could have really used a shower but I had to forego that and there was no way I was going to have time to fix breakfast. My thought process was that I would just stop at Hardee's for breakfast. Just once would be ok, right? My gut was like, no, you're going so well on this, do you really want to take a step backward now? My stomach and I drove right past Hardee's and I got on the bus and did my thing. I thought, okay I'll finish my bus route and hopefully the fieldtrip is an 8:45 pick up and I can go home in between and fix me something to eat and throw something together for a lunch. But wait, I had a food voucher for the park and didn't need lunch. Ok, cool, that gave me a more open window of time because it doesn't take long to make my breakfast. Nope, that was not going to happen. It was an 8am loading and I don't get to school until 8am. Well no breakfast for me. Okay, I can handle this. This started my day off on the wrong foot because I didn't even have time to take my medicine. I take medicine for depression and anxiety. Living in the past and worrying about the future. I am learning to live in the present.
Moving on, I arrived at the first destination, on the field trip, with the students, teacher, and chaperones, and I'm sitting on the bus. Okay I'm still good. They reboard and we head to the second destination. I decided, along with my friend, that we would not go into the park. It was raining and cold and that is a combination that I do not do well. So, I'm sitting there playing on my tablet and reading my book and receive a phone call. When you hear "we need to talk" from someone, do you automatically cringe inside? I do. Oh crap, what have I done now? What is this all about? Well I had to put the meeting off until the next day, Saturday, and that gave me about 20 hours to think about it and work myself up into a real good fit. Later that afternoon I had to call my boss and ask a question and she said "I need to talk to you about the way you are running your route in the afternoons. We'll talk on Monday". Okay, now I have this to worry about, and I try and try to "let it go", yes I said it. I got so upset that I thought, "okay, that's it, I have had enough. I quit". Well I did have the time to stop myself and really look at things, I had not had a good night sleep so I was tired, and I had not had my medicine for my anxiety. So I was overreacting and overthinking things. Okay, lets get home and close the door, vent to my husband, poor thing, and eat PIZZA. Again I had that conversation with myself about backing up a step and I didn't stop on the way home. I came straight in the house, took my meds, and fixed my dinner. I am real, real proud of myself for those two acts. Yay Me!
After calming down I went to bed early, 7:30, and just relaxed. When I woke up this morning I felt much better. My husband and I went to the meeting and everything was great. A couple of questions asked and answered and the air was cleared and the day brightened up. I am not even worried about Monday, Monday will take care of itself.
So, with all of that being said, emotional eating can be changed. You can take control of your life. You don't have to get caught up in the "whirlpool" of life. It might be hard to swim out of it but you can do it. You can have a life where your emotions do not control you but you control them. I guess what I am trying to say is that, I am there and if you are here with me, in the boat called life, and you feel that you are alone in this. I am here to tell you that you are not alone. Love and support is available, you just have to be willing to seek it out. I hope that you are learning that I love all my friends. The ones I have now and the ones I have not met yet.
All of these thoughts brought me to another awareness, another light bulb moment if you will. I am reading another book by Romi Neustadt, "Get Over Your Damn Self: The No-BS Blueprint to Building A Life-Changing Business". I'm only in the first chapter two and the title of it is "Why Are You Here? She asks "What is your motivation to becoming a CEO of your own company"? "What is your WHY"? Some said that they wanted to earn back their investment in their business and that was it. They really just wanted the products and she would coach them and ask them to dig a little deeper. She said that your why will make you cry and she was right. My lightbulb came on when I was thinking about everything and my why, right now anyway, is I want to work for myself because I can do it my way. I can learn the tried and true and then tailor make it into me, add my personality. I don't want to be the gruntman anymore. I don't want to be doing all the hard work, sweating my butt off while someone with a college education sits in an airconditioned office and pushes buttons on a computer all day. I don't want to take orders from someone else. I am tired of not being good enough. I realized that I am good enough for me. If I do something in my business that doesn't work that's fine, I'm not going to berate myself or make myself feel bad about it, I will stop, back up, relook at the tried and true and see where I went wrong and fix it. Me! I have myself the authority to succeed. There is no one to sabotage my road to happiness but me, and if I trip, I can always pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I'm not perfect and I am going to make mistakes but with God's loving hand I will get back up.
My love and support to you and Happy Cooking
Laura
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