As I sit here constructing this post I am having to deal with my emotions. Today was the last day of school, for me anyway, for this school year. It's my first year at this school and I can tell you that private school is way way different from public school. In public school, on the last day of school students can't wait to get away from you because you are one of the sources of their pain. You are the one that drives them to school where they have to learn something and sit all day and pay attention. You are the bane of their existence.
In this private school things are different. Yes the students are happy to begin their summer vacation but they don't run away from you. They take the time to hug you and thank you, wish you a wonderful summer, and tell you that you are sweet. AWE. I get all misty eyed thinking about my day today. I am really going to miss my students this summer. They are so wonderful, not that public school students aren't. They are really good students. I remember when I first started working on the bus for the public school system and that first year they gave me a permanent route that was supposed to be one of the roughest neighborhoods in the city. Well no doubt it was a rough neighborhood but my students treated me with so much respect. I really loved them. I got attached to them and then the next year the school system, transportation department specifically, changed my route to somewhere else. Man my parents were pissed. They made calls downtown and everything but nothing would change their minds. From that point on my experience with public schools went down hill until the final year I was there. I had another great group of students but I knew that I wouldn't have them the next year and I just couldn't go through that again, not to mention the office staff didn't really know how to treat people fairly. Anyway I left the public sector and enter into the warehouse sector. Back breaking work, literally. Hot summers, freezing winters, and couldn't make anyone happy. Well that is an exaggeration. I made my supervisor very happy as well as the Director, but my boss on the other hand is a different story.
As I am dealing with this empty nest syndrome I am reminded when it started here at home. My oldest daughter was moving out, not her choice, and I felt crushed. I cried buckets of tears no one knew about, until now, and a lot of my emotions came out in anger. I hope she can forgive me for that. I was hurting and I didn't know what to do with all that pain. I still had my middle daughter at home as well as my baby girl, but, and I don't mean to hurt anyone here, but she was my first born! She was never supposed to leave! She was my best friend and best friends never leave! Kinda selfish right? I know that now. I cut my teeth on her and by the time it was the middle daughters time to leave I handled it much better then before. Besides she is the hardest person in the world to deal with first thing in the morning. God, don't even look at her because she will bite you head off. Many mornings started out with an argument with her. Now that she is on her own she and I have grown a lot closer. My oldest daughter has proven to me time after time that she still needs her Mama and I love those calls when they come as much as I love the text messages when I am sad to "hold you head up buttercup. It's going to get better". I love my children to infinity and back, if there is a back from that. I pray for them everyday and I hope they realize just how much they mean to me. Nothing can ever replace your children. Grandchildren come in real real close. I could dote all over them and my fur grand babies as well. All of them are growing up to fast and time does not seem to want to stop or slow down.
Empty nesters heed my word. It will get easier over time. It is not easy. That is why being a parent is not for the weak. It takes a strong person to get through the severing of each little apron string, but don't be surprised that you find out one day that not all of them have been cut and they will come back to you.
God's love, peace, and joy to you
Laura
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